So, here we are at the Jokes Page, which I built in the hopes of adding some fun and humor to the site. You should read this page at your own risk; some of the content may not be to your liking, so don’t blame me if you don’t like it 🙂
Magician
With his favorite parrot, a young magician began working on a cruise liner. “He has a card up his sleeve” or “he has a dove in his pocket,” the parrot would constantly remark, giving away the tricks.
The ship drowned one day, leaving the magician and the parrot alone in a lifeboat. They simply sat there staring at one other for a few days. Finally, the parrot broke the stillness with the words, “Okay, I’m done. What happened to the ship?”
Burglar and Parrot
One night, a burglar broke into a residence. He waved his flashlight around, seeking treasures, and as he picked up a CD player to put in his backpack, a weird, disembodied voice said, “Jesus is watching you.”
He almost leaped out of his skin, turned off his flashlight, and froze. When he didn’t hear anything more after a while, he shook his head, promised himself a holiday after the next big score, then turned on the light and started looking for additional treasures.
“Jesus is watching you,” he heard clearly as he took the radio out to unhook the cords.
He hurriedly waved his light about, seeking the source of the voice. Finally, his flashlight beam landed on a parrot in the corner of the room.
“Did you really say that?” He snarled at the bird.
“Yep,” the parrot said before squawking, “I’m simply trying to warn you.”
The thief relaxed. “You mean to warn me? Who are you in the world?”
“Moses,” the bird answered.
“Moses?” chuckled the burglar. “What type of people would give a bird the name Moses?”
“The kind of folks who would call a rottweiler Jesus,” he said.
Vet
A guy brought his ailing parrot to an avian veterinarian. The veterinarian said, “I have both good and terrible news. The bad news is that your bird chirps. The good news is that it can be tweeted.”
GOING, GOING, GONE!
A guy went to an auction one day. He bid on an exotic parrot while he was there. He was quite interested in this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He continued bidding but was outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. He eventually won the offer after bidding more than he meant – the lovely bird was finally his! As he paid for the parrot, he told the auctioneer, “I’m hoping this bird can communicate. I’d hate to have spent this much for it just to discover that he can’t speak!” “Don’t worry, he can speak,” remarked the Auctioneer. Who do you believe continued to bid against you?”
Brutus
Mrs. Broomfield contacted a repairman when her dishwasher stopped operating. He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and because she had to go to work the following day, she informed him: “I’ll leave the key under the mat. I’ll send you the payment if you fix the dishwasher and put the bill on the counter. Don’t be concerned about my Rottweiler. He will not annoy you. But under no circumstances should you speak to my parrot!” The following day, when the repairman came to Mrs. Broomfield’s apartment, he encountered the largest and meanest Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, as she had predicted, the dog merely lay there on the carpet, staring at the repairman. However, the parrot drove him insane with his constant squawking and chatting the whole time he was there. “Shut up, you dumb bird!” shouted the repairman when he couldn’t take it any longer. “Get him, Brutus!” responded the parrot.
Pet Store
A woman is strolling down the street on her way to work when she notices a parrot at a pet shop. She comes to a halt to view the bird. “Hey woman, you’re extremely ugly,” the parrot remarks to her. Well, the woman is enraged! She rushes by the shop on her way to work. On her way home, she saw the same parrot in the window, and the parrot says to her, “Hey woman, you are so ugly.” She was furious at this point. The following day, on her way to work, she saw the same parrot, who commented, “Hey woman, you are so ugly.” The woman was so enraged that she rushed inside the business, threatening to sue and have the bird killed. The shop manager sincerely apologized and assured the bird would not repeat it again. When the woman went by the shop after work the following day, the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.” She halted, frowned with a cold and murderous gaze, and hoarsely said, “Yes?” “You know,” the bird murmured as it strutted back and forth on its perch.
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